I’m not sure when I first realized this. I know it wasn’t in High school. I met my future wife our senior year of High school in a biology class (seems appropriate). I’m sure she had a great personality and a wonderful outlook on life. But at the time, all I could see was that she was wearing a jean skirt.
In high school you live or die by your ability to size up the people around you, determine what “group” they belong to, and more importantly, where you fit in. It is complicated, kind of like the Glee version of the caste system. When I first met my wife, I determined very quickly that she was further up the “scale” than me and that to pursue her would be a risky undertaking.
So you can imagine my surprise when she asked me to be her lab partner. Because nothing says potential date and romance like looking at single-celled organisms together. But I got to sit next to her and occasionally bump my leg into hers, so I was willing to watch paint dry if necessary. From that microscope our love began to grow, first as a friendship and then in to a dating relationship. After 4 years of college, we got married, proof that with enough persistence and positive mental attitude, you can move up the scale and marry the woman of your dreams.
Now in high school you tend to swim in drama. It is like a food group to most people. You say dramatic things and dress in dramatic ways (trying to be unique of course, only to realize that you’re trying to be unique is just like everyone else’s trying to be unique). When you take the drama that naturally exists in high school and you add a relationship to it, you end up with some amazing statements and acts of “love”. You skip meals and go without sleep. You break in to your girlfriends house (long story) and you spend all that you have. I even wrote a love song; it had 2 verses and three chords and everything.
You also say things like, “I will just die without him” or “I cannot imagine being a part from you for even one second.” They are over the top statements about your love and devotion. While it is heartfelt, the truth is that as you get older you realize those statements are not really true.
I recognize now that I do not need my wife and that she does not need me. I realize that I could live life without her and if we had not met, we would both probably go on to live productive (and even happy) lives. If I were not around, her world would not fall apart for good, and she would move forward. We are not co-dependents, without individual identities.
But I also know this, that from the first day she walked in to Mr. Porter’s biology class, I was lost in her smile (yes the skirt was nice too). Her eyes were captivating, and I could listen to her speak for hours. Her heart was full of compassion, and she had this amazing ability to see past my awkward attempts to impress her and eventually find what the real me was trying to say….that I loved her with all that I knew, and that I wanted to make her my wife.
So on this Valentine’s Day, I recognize that I do not need my wife….and yet….believing that God has brought us together, I am committed for the rest of my life, to NEVER be without her. In the space this type of commitment creates there is so much respect and joy and admiration, and beauty, and grace. I think in a way much bigger than I understand, this is the commitment of Jesus on the cross. This is a God that had no need in Himself, but out of His love and for His glory, created humanity in a self-sacrificing commitment that says while I do not NEED you, I have CHOSEN to never be without you….and to go to the ends of the earth to bring you back….to die for you if necessary. Maybe, in the commitment we make to our spouse, we begin to reflect in a very limited way, the kind of self-giving love that exists between God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
I may not need my wife, but having committed to each other, I could not imagine a world in which we would ever be apart. I would go to the ends of the earth to bring her back, and to die for her if necessary. Paul tells us to “love your wife as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself up for her.” Having met my wife, I have been inspired to spend the rest of my life learning to walk in obedience to this command.