Tag: wife

Week of Silence Day 4: Arguing with your Wife

bryan dupuis4 Comments

The Last 24 Hours

Occasionally, my Wife and I will have  a little “discussion”, which is a fine, Christian way of saying we had an argument.  Last night was one such “discussion”.  Have you ever tried having a “discussion” with a spouse who was trying to “discuss” without using words? I have to imagine I looked pretty ridiculous — sweeping arm motions, flexing eyebrows, texting my point and pointing to my mouth as I say the words (as if that helps her understand me any better).  I even resorted to my Smartphone app that speaks whatever I text….and I used the Hugh Grant voice….how can you lose an argument with an English accent??? (trust me, it’s entirely possible)

What I’ve Learnedwww-St-Takla-org--Domenico-Ghirlandaio-Annuncio-dell-Angelo-a-Aaccaria-02-details

Listening. There is nothing passive about listening. In fact, it’s one of the most active ways we can communicate.  When you aren’t speaking, then you don’t have to reply immediately to what someone is saying. When you don’t have to reply, you have time….time to….listen.  Typically, we have a conversation or argument or discussion, by half listening to the other person, gleaning just enough information to formulate our own response. We fire off a few rounds of sound argument, and then in the time it takes the other person to respond, we reload and prepare to fire as soon as they are done speaking. We are not focusing on the words being said, and the emotions attached to those words, we are simply waiting for the other person to stop talking so that we can start again.

This is true within Washington, D.C., as well as the Church; Between family members and long time friends.Between children and parents, and Husbands and Wives.  We have entire segments of the population who have forgotten how to listen; who believe they already know what the “other side” has to say, and they already disagree with it. People who would rather keep talking so they don’t have to listen. Listening is not only vital to communication, it is itself an act of love, honor, humility, and good faith.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

To my Wife: 5 things I remember about our wedding day

bryan dupuis

Well it was hot….                                                                             

The church was packed, it was over one hundred degrees outside, and part of our decorating was obstructing the intake for the air conditioning units.  Not to mention the fact that we had unknowingly ordered winter tuxedos that appeared to be lined with the latest North Face warming technology.  Some assumed I was crying….they just couldn’t see the sweat rolling down my young face.  But through the sweat and the tears, I could easily see you as you walked toward me.

And you were beautiful….

It wasn’t just how you looked in the dress or the way you wore your hair up. You were beaming, from every look and each smile, you lit up the room that day….as you still do today.

We were so young….

I look at the pictures and I see a couple just out of college, with little knowledge about anything further than the moment we were enjoying. Before jobs and bills and ministry and moving it was just you and I surrounded by friends and family and in the presence of the One who brought us together.  Many years from now, we will again be together — just you and I. When that time comes, I want you to  know you will still be my bride and my best friend.

And so broke….

Some things never change. I remember coming back from our honeymoon and packing all of our belongings into the smallest Uhaul that was available….with room to spare.  Most of what we filled our first apartment with were still in boxes, having received them as wedding presents.  That first apartment would now fit in our basement.

But God has been so faithful….

What an amazing journey so far….so much more than I expected and far more than I deserve.  Marriage and then fatherhood is forever shaping and sharpening me into more than I ever would’ve become on my own.

And you’re still so beautiful….

You are so much more than that picture from our wedding day.  The passing of time, having children, and the changes of life do not make you inferior to that young girl in the photo….to me, they make me love you so much more.

Happy Anniversary.

Bryan

On my Wife’s Birthday: The Reason I broke into your House

bryan dupuis

It’s simple really.

We had only been dating for about 8 months and it was my girfriend’s birthday. When you’re first dating, birthdays become a way not only to celebrate the person you are with, but also a way for the boyfriend to showcase his spontaneity, thoughtfulness, and apparently, his disregard for laws about breaking and entering.

So Penny, was away with her family back in Ohio and would be returning the evening of her birthday. I can’t remember when it hit me, but some time over that weekend, I had the perfect idea. I would get in to their house, decorate it with balloons and streamers and presents. I would then leave, and wait for the phone call to listen to her scream with joy.  Boys (at any age) will do some of stupidest things imaginable for the love of a girl. My stupidity was telling me to break in to a house and throw a party.

I arrived at her house with my box of supplies and presents. It was midday….no need to hide my love under the cover of darkness like a common criminal.

Now Penny’s parents used to leave their front door unlocked all the time. This stems from growing up in a rural (and honest) part of Ohio. I fully expected to turn the knob and walk right in….it was locked….I started to sweat.  My mind racing, I decided to walk around the house (that sat in the middle of a subdivision) and try all of the windows. I moved to the back of the house, and lifted on Penny’s bedroom window….it slid open. (Editor’s note: That window being unlocked had nothing to do with Penny and I….just so we’re clear)

Now the window was over my head and since I hadn’t planned on needing a ladder, and nothing was going to stand in the way of high school love, I lifted the window as much as I could and dropped my supplies inside. I then jumped up, grabbed hold of the window sill, and struggled with my little arms to lift myself inside. I can only imagine what this looked like to the neighbor who might step into her backyard to see my legs flailing out the window. I dropped into Penny’s room, grabbed my box, and started walking toward the living room to begin the birthday version of shock and awe.

That’s when I heard it.

Voices. Two people talking in another room. It sounded like a muffled argument. I dropped to the floor and listened. There was definitely someone in the house. I crawled on my stomach into the living room. Why would there be someone here? Were they being robbed? Breaking into a house out of greed? I broke into this house out of love for a woman! I crawled a little closer….it was quiet. Then I heard voices again coming from her Parent’s bedroom. My heart was pounding, I felt like Bruce Willis in every Die Hard movie I had ever seen.

Inching closer to the door, I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my puny body. The voices went quiet again….I strained to hear what was going on. That’s when I heard, “Are you tired of hard-water stains, or toilet bowls that won’t come clean no matter how hard you scrub?” Why was this group of thugs talking about CLR??

I cracked the door to find the TV was left on in her parent’s bedroom. After stopping in the bathroom to throw up, I got to work hanging streamers and balloons and setting out Penny’s presents.

Penny,

The reason I broke into your house that day, 18 years ago, is because I tried so hard to do on that day what I now realize cannot be done in one day or in a single party….to express all that you mean or how much I love you. There is no card, there aren’t enough streamers, and I could never find the perfect gift that expresses the gratitude I feel for you.

That is why I am thankful God has given me a lifetime to begin to express my appreciation for the gift that you are to me and to our children.

And if any boy tries to break in to our house out of “love for a girl” I will toss his butt in jail.

Happy Birthday.

Bryan